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Post by mskied on Oct 30, 2021 5:35:03 GMT -6
Im feeling healthier. It was a year ago that I was going through my worst psychosis to date. All last summer I was hallucinating and in October of last year it stopped, but the following year was spent in a deep depression, thinking about death and suicide regularly. Ive had to talk myself out of thinking I can solve this puzzle and let God be God. Im sort of mindless now, cant organize my thoughts very far, and not interested in intellectual endeavors. Im not depressed or suicidal thankfully, that is the worst pain. Im just sort of living day to day now.
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Post by mskied on Nov 2, 2021 13:22:33 GMT -6
Well, its been a year and a month since I was last psychotic. The following year was spent in a depression, but for the past two months I havent been depressed, just a little off. Im feeling pretty good, not suicidal, not in pain. Its getting easier to be and do nothing.
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Post by ashima on Nov 5, 2021 3:53:38 GMT -6
Wash windows and let the sun come in lol Or is washing windows a part of doing nothing? SUNSHINE IS PHENOMENAL  |
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Post by mskied on Nov 9, 2021 2:52:46 GMT -6
Its a new thing for me to not want to die. Im no longer turning to my bed after my thoughts get low. For a year I was suicidally depressed. Now I am awake and I want to turn to bed but Im not tired and not depressed. This has been a lot of adjusting. There is a certain comfort in being suicidal I think, even though it is painful.
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Post by mskied on Nov 10, 2021 19:29:35 GMT -6
Im either psychotic, or am in sorrow, or feel nothingness. I no longer feel joy and love
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Post by ashima on Nov 11, 2021 5:12:17 GMT -6
You cant find joy within nature?
It's raining, sure it kinda sucks since it's cold and wet, but the gray skies offer a different color appearance to what's left of the tree leaves. It's going to turn to snow by tomorrow.
I did experience the first snow flakes about a week ago at work.
You gotta figure out what does bring you joy, maybe you havent found that yet.
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Post by mskied on Nov 11, 2021 19:35:38 GMT -6
I used to have joy just from being alive. Life was good, I was healthy and happy, had everything I wanted. Then I got sick, experienced a bunch of crazy hallucinations/visions, got possessed by a demon and fought it for years, trying to find wisdom. This all lead me to examining our mortal condition, our vulnerabilities to environment, disease, accidents and death. Now all I think about when I think is death and our frailty.
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Post by ashima on Nov 12, 2021 4:19:24 GMT -6
You keep focusing on the same things(negative things as many would say) You should try to explore other topics besides those listed above. Let go of the past shit. Holding on to that past so tightly isn't healthy. That goes for all of us holding on to anything in the past that prevents us from progressing forward with new opportunities. I could focus on some shit that has happened, but I choose not to because it's damaging to continue to do so. Feeling pretty good by doing such.
Wise words from a friend "let it go"
Have a good day!
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Post by ashima on Nov 12, 2021 4:30:04 GMT -6
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Post by mskied on Nov 13, 2021 19:30:57 GMT -6
Its mostly ok, I dont think that often. I sit in meditative silence mostly, and thankfully I dont have any obligations that would make my mind active, because then Id start to hallucinate. Im tired of being alive though. I cant suffer this much more, have to be very careful not to aggrevate my illness
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Post by ashima on Nov 14, 2021 4:30:22 GMT -6
So when you're busy you get hallucinations?
I'm distracted from a Joe Rogan post he shared about people losing emotional intelligence.
You could write a story. You can write this into a movie or book with some sort of program/disc uploaded to your pc that can assist you.
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Post by Odin on Nov 14, 2021 9:09:46 GMT -6
I used to have joy just from being alive. Life was good, I was healthy and happy, had everything I wanted. Then I got sick, experienced a bunch of crazy hallucinations/visions, got possessed by a demon and fought it for years, trying to find wisdom. This all lead me to examining our mortal condition, our vulnerabilities to environment, disease, accidents and death. Now all I think about when I think is death and our frailty. So....crazy question....maybe not the best one for me to ask...but, since you're talking about having been possessed by a demon.... ...did you ever have an exorcism? Or considered one? If not, do you think it would be beneficial? Just exploring all options here. |
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Post by mskied on Nov 14, 2021 18:55:45 GMT -6
Yes when things are going on around me I start to hallucinate.
Ive asked about an exorcism, they said they no longer do those
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Post by ashima on Nov 16, 2021 15:51:38 GMT -6
Yes when things are going on around me I start to hallucinate. Ive asked about an exorcism, they said they no longer do those What about a shaman retreat of some sort people have spoke of. You'd have to do your research to find one and may even lead you out of the country |
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Post by mskied on Nov 17, 2021 5:11:26 GMT -6
I dont really believe in magic anymore
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