Chaos Magick is basically the freedom to do what you like how you think it should be done. However, Chaos is also confusion, and potentially destruction- so Chaos Magick is actually looking at the unknown, and destroying what is known- to what end? For the magician, it might be to create a better known. For the thief, it might be to steal.
The Will to do what you like is inspired by watching children and the spiritual idea is that we are all children learning and doing, until an adult stops us, or adults learning and doing until an adult stops us. There will always be Laws that we cannot cross- because we are not individually powerful enough that we can disregard the need for others, and so, as a communal species, we create laws to organize ourselves into the proper courses of action and event. The Law will never be Do What Thou Wilt, but it starts out that way, and in starting out that way, we might find that some of the old laws are outdated.
The tools of a magician vary depending on what is available, and life need not be so complex as participating in ritual with imaginary creatures- creatures who represent idea and effort, and are not necessarily real. Magick is about intention, and want- the Will to action, and the resulting consequences. Change your mind and you change the world. Change your actions and you affect the world.
In life we have a number of motives for action. It can be grouped into self-others. When we do things we do things for security, experience, and creativity. When we do things for others this involves ideas like justice and righteousness. Both sides do the things they do for love- love of what I do for myself, or love of another. These are the reasons we act.
Life isn't meaningless. There is meaning in every word and action, if we are paying attention. But making large impacts that have enduring meaning is difficult. One needs to be on the very edge of a thing to be the one to turn the key of its evolution, and most of us are not at that level. As obsessed as I am with making an impact, I have come to realize that I have no revolution to offer. Even in my old craft, I believe what I would have produced would be forgotten. In a search for meaning, one finds this impulse for large impact beckoning like the sea beckons a sailor. I have had to submit to the fact that I am not that important, and the joys of the smaller meaningful moments are too weak for me to notice, and this needs to change. I struggle to accept that the actual pace of life is very slow.
God is both chaos and order, both good and evil. It is the mistakes we make with our free will that cause it to be so. None of us are master's of righteousness, we all deserve some suffering. The perfection of God is beyond our understanding. We live in a beautiful, mysterious, dangerous and imperfect world.
Good and Evil are fundamentally the act of supporting or opposing. The same definition can be applied to Order and Chaos- you either follow the rules or work in a different way. Chaos is just a series of actions that haven't been defined yet.
For those of you worried about my health, I am improving. Ive realized that I need to accept some things, things that I had already accepted before I got sick, but after my illness and investigation became more acutely aware of. Thigs like, how vulnerable we truly are. How we cannot always be prepared for every situation. How even though we are certain of ourselves, we might make an unwise move. Death is inevitable, and there are no guarantees about Heaven, because no one has been there. I never used to worry about Heaven but in my process of analyzing religion and philosophy it was an important issue to address. Ive come to accept (again) the fact that life is joy and sorrow, and trial and error, and that children have to experiment to learn. I do not have to encourage things that I think are unwise or harmful, but I will probably find myself encountering these things because we are not all wise, and many of us are more daring than we should be. The road of the fool from the tarot, we are all on it. Even the Emperor cannot avoid folly. Carry on with a smile and a song but be aware of the dangers that lurk.
In my quest to find out why Love doesnt prevail round the globe I learned that people choose to love based on a number of things. They choose you based on how you look, what you do, what you stand for, what you have, and how you act. There are a variety of things that draw us in to loving someone, but ultimately it is the surprise of loving someone more than the initial desire that makes us commit to loving someone. Love is a complicated process, and while we can say "Love everyone" the truth is that we dont always understand everyone enough to love them. Genuine love is hard to come by, treating people nicely is easy- only we dont seem to get this as well as we should.
There are no absolutes. No Universals that every person can witness and agree. One mans Sin is another mans virtue. Even the mighty colors of Good and Evil are hazy in this Age. The old Order is deteriorating, and on what skeleton should we build a new one? Who should benefit from lawlessness, and what good will it bring should they do so? Criminals are at the throne, and there is no one to persecute them, as it has always been.
So Ive become a bit of a recluse. Where I was once an invalid of sorts, now it is more self imposed. My innocence has been used up- too used up, and now I find that there are plenty of things to fear. I don't think life is SO precious that we shouldn't be afraid to lose it, but I do figure that if I am to be alive, I may as well be safe. Im also amazed how things run, that they do run, and that things don't just fall apart. I fear the disturbances that could shake things up and destroy our security. Unfortunately I am one of the diseased, and I cant take care of myself as other people can, I wish it weren't so. Im glad that there are programs in place to help people like me, though I now see the argument for why there shouldn't be.
Its terrible when a person suffers too much grief. Pythagoras said "Do not eat of grief overmuch" but if we ignore it we do not learn, and we do not honor the memory of what is good. We all have our share of things to grieve, but for some of us, the events keep pilling on until there is nothing but pain and grief, and that is terrible.
I have decided to accept the Law of Thelema (again). I see it as permission not to be so concerned. I see it as a way to not be surprised by things; do what thou wilt! They will do what they will do. From here its all potential and possibility, or, I could choose indifference. There was a time when this would go against my nature, but this battle has taken its toll, and I am no longer one to argue.